No really. I totally meant to keep up more with DA... My last journal entry was in AUGUST? Ugh. I'm sorry I have an attention span of a spastic gerbil.

Anyway... New things? Uhm... well, I was officially diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, so yay for finally having a name to pin to my medical issues. It's treatable, but not in the "and then it goes away" sort of treatment, and getting the insurance company to cover the meds has been like watching various fandoms fight over "who's gay/isn't gay" in an anime series. (I think my insurance company counts as the illiterate "homgz ur wrong" source of the arguments.)

More art? Meh. I've been drawing, but I haven't been seeing any sort of improvement. Actually, I see improvement, but when I try to duplicate that random burst of skill, it... goes away. My artistic talents seem to have ADD. =3 Much like my son.

I was EVER so close to starting a breedable shop on Gaia with this awesome chick, but she randomly stopped messaging me. xD See, I have the kiss of DEATH on Gaia. When I'm remembering to respond quickly. (Sorry Sora. T__T; Really, I'm horrible at keeping up with comments and PMs.)

To anyone that watches and/or comments on my art... XD; Emo alert? You don't have to read the emo shit in between the breaks, or this journal at all. I just felt like I needed to explain. Skip down to the last paragraph if you'd like.

(I think I just... need to get this out of my system, slap it up somewhere, and then go back, read it, and make fun of my own emo. Really, it gives me a better perspective when I can see how silly I am or am not being.)



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My mom is legally insane. She, understandably, is not happy with that. She doesn't talk to herself, or wear tutus with pink tiaras. She suffers from bipolar disease, which has apparently been there with her since she was a child. Only recently she's gotten worse; she hears things, she's more paranoid, and the other day she had a delusion that was real enough that she called my son's school to prove me wrong, and found herself embarrassed that she indeed had imagined this letter she swore we got from them. I can only imagine that watching yourself crawl further into madness is the least pleasant thing in the world.

She doesn't make it any easier on us, either. If she isn't hiding in her room all day, she'll appear long enough to say some really cruel things. Or she'll spend the whole day where her tone doesn't leave the 'yelling' area. She's seen me burst into tears, which as my mother she would know that it's incredibly hard to get me to do that in front of other people as I'm just that stubborn, and simply stared at her own daughter and asked coldly what I wanted from her.

Now... she's on suicide watch again. She's picking up the littlest reasons why not to go to the hospital again, trying to find excuses to avoid it. I understand why that would be a bit scary... but she doesn't understand our side at all. I have an eight and a half year old son, I can't lay awake all night and wonder if this will be the day that my son comes into my room and say he can't wake grandma up. I'm utterly exhausted, mentally and physically. She told us that she had squirreled away some pills and was playing around with them... not good.

I can't help but wonder; why can't she be just a tad stronger? My life isn't all sunshine and peaches, yet I refuse to ever do that to my child. Why can't she be strong for us? I'm aware that mental illness makes that harder, but... it just feels so frustrating to know that I'm not good enough of a reason to keep my mother alive.

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Given that... I need this to be my outlet. So. I shall have a lot of emo art up. Probably blood and tears. SO INCREDIBLY cliche, I know. I just need an outlet to shove all that shit into, so I can put on that mask of "everything is okay" for my baby, and a bit for my mom as well. Please excuse me, or ignore them.

XD; Haha, I've had this up for so long, but I really wanted to replace the old auction thread entry.

(Because I neglected it, then it died. Stupid thread. >.>



So here we are now -

[link]

Chieira is joining me once again for a shop, but this time I'm actually offering my art.
And some animations.
(Which I will someday put here. >.<

XD; So I kind of liked being paid for the art I gave Muffin Power so I had an itch to run a quick art auction. I'm not really sure what to expect from it, but ah well.

Here it is -
[link]

You can stop by and say hi if you'd like. :3 I'll be working on the auction next weekend, and between then and now I shall finish up as much of Mau's commission as I possibly can. XD I have one down already, I just need to post it... darn it.

@.@ Oh my goodness, my classes are pretty hardcore. The pressure of " If you do this wrong, you could kill your patient" is enough to get us to want to do it all right, but our grades on the tests in lab are adjusted as such that we have to do exceedingly well or fail the class. No dropped tests, as lecture does. I totally understand why; we have to make sure to do it right when we leave school and do our clinicals. It still is a bit stressful.

(At one point, I had tests every day minus one day for a week and a half.)



On a more positive note (thought school isn't totally a negative one, I'm doing well enough *knocks on wood* on the tests now) I HAVE A TABLET. Not just any tablet... a Wacom tablet. @.@ I picked up Bamboo Fun (XD is that what its called?) at Best Buy, so I shall have more time to do art, yay~





So excuse me if you do not see me around Gaia, y!gallery, or here for a week or so, it means it's been an extra long one (like last week and this one) and I'm not ignoring anyone. XD Also.... TABLET TABLET TABLET..... *cough*